[DWJ] offtopic - The Leviathan of Babylon, input needed

Hallie O'Donovan hallieod at indigo.ie
Thu Jul 6 11:49:01 EDT 2006


Will switch to off-list for more detailed feedback on the 
translation, but thought it might be helpful to do this general 
comment on, in case others strongly disagree.  I'd consider the 
extract from Chapter 3 much better than the Chapter 4 one.  Long 
passages of exposition are always tricky, and though this may not 
even *be* that long, it certainly felt that way.

Hallie


>I need some advice.
>
>I'm helping out an Israeli author who has written an excellent 
>fantasy book in Hebrew, and would like to have it translated into 
>English. This is the only Israeli fantasy book I've ever read that 
>is, in my opinion, if not on a par then at least in the general 
>vicinity of books by DWJ (there's your ob-DWJ), Philip Pullman, 
>Jonathan Stroud etc. I've volunteered to do a little translation 
>sample and "treatment" that can be shown to English-language agents.
>
>But after spending a couple of days working on this translation, I'm 
>suddenly not sure I've chosen good parts of the book to translate. I 
>started by translating a bit from chapter 4, then decided it doesn't 
>show off the humor enough and switched to a bit from chapter three, 
>but then started having doubts about that too. Now I have two bits 
>of text that don't connect, one of which cuts off at a rather random 
>point, and I can't decide which of them I should be concentrating my 
>efforts on expanding, if at all. I'd also like some feedback on my 
>English, because, though I'm an experienced English-to-Hebrew 
>translator, I don't often get to translate Hebrew-to-English. So any 
>and all input would be appreciated.
>
>Rather than send the sample translation as an attatchment, I thought 
>it might be easier to upload to a website you could visit. The 
>platform was designed for Hebrew, so I hope the English format isn't 
>messed up (it looks okay on my computer). There's a button you can 
>hit at the bottom to respond on the page, but if the Hebrew confuses 
>you, you can also just email me.
>
>Here's the URL:
>
>http://www.notes.co.il/gili/20754.asp
>
>
>Looking forward to your feedback.
>
>Gili
>
>
>
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