I practised beforehand...

minnow at belfry.org.uk minnow at belfry.org.uk
Tue May 6 11:57:53 EDT 2003

Kathleen shared the terrible secrets of a musical family....

(My family breaks into song regularly, to the profound embarrassment of my
younger sister who is convinced she's adopted. My father recites Banjo
Patterson to crowds of strangers. My mother puts funnels on her head and
shouts out "Tom Terrific and his wonder-dog Manfred!" in crowded
supermarkets, and mistakes people for interesting statues. I'm not excluded
- my friends say living with me is like living in a musical. F&S are
actually very handy when you need A Song for Every Occasion (High
Fidelity...!). My sister made us swear not to sing before bringing a friend
home. When they arrived at the house my mother an I were scrubbing the
floor with toothbrushes, so she takes singing as the devil she knows, now.
Oh well, it keeps the neighbours amused).

I once got into terrible hot water through inability to resist apposite song.


A woman who is heavily pregnant with the child of a drug-using and slightly
violent semi-alcoholic no-good-nick whom she doesn't particularly care
about and whom she'd expected would repudiate all responsibility for the
whole business, but who is in fact now offering to marry her and to help
with the child.

She is agonising about what to do.  Should she or should she not accept his
offer?  Would it be better for the child to have *any* father around the
place rather than none?

Well, I suddenly found I was singing:

"Marry Freddie?  What an infantile idea!
What a stupid, heartless, brainless thing to do!
But she'll regret it!
*She'll* regret it!
It's doomed before she even takes the vow."

At which point she burst into tears and called me all sorts of rude things,
and I had the devil of a time convincing her that I was only quoting, and
it was all her fault for having a lover called Freddie.  I had to find the
record and play it to her before she believed me, and we nearly didn't get
her to her train home.

Mind you, it did express almost exactly what I would have said anyhow...


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