Zinka and Deep Secret

Sally Odgers sodgers at tassie.net.au
Fri May 2 09:46:59 EDT 2003

> [*]  While I think of it, this is a good moment to raise the question of
What is
> marital fidelity?  It may sound obvious, but I find an increasing attitude
> it simply means not having sex with anyone other than one's spouse; while
> think that "faithful" ought to mean a lot more than that.

I read a very unnerving article in a magazine of my daughter's. (Really, it
is my daughter's. She calls it 'my regular dose of trash'.)  I find it an
interesting magazine in some ways because when it says "single girl", it
doesn't mean an unmarried one. It means one without a steady
partner/boyfriend/husband.  My daughter also uses this construction. She
often says "If I were single..." when in my view, she *is*. She's 19 and has
a boyfriend. In her view, this makes her "not single".

Enough of that. The article talked about fidelity to a partner in other than
sexual terms. It suggested that becoming "good mates" with a person of the
opposite sex (or same sex if you happen to be gay) might be infidelity if
you share conversations or ideas with the friend instead of with the
partner, or if you find you have things in common with the friend that you
don't have with your partner.

This bothers me because - although I can see what it means, I can also see
that compartmentilising life is something most of us do. I say things to the
whole DWJ list I wouldn't say to my husband. OTOH, there are plenty of
things I discuss with him that I wouldn't with the DWJ loop - or with anyone
else. Maybe the problems occur when there is just one person rather than a
whole lot with whom you share something in common?

So; it's a peculiar concept, isn't it? We all have different relationships
with different people in our lives, and we're not the same person with

ODWJR - Would Zinka be considered faithful to Simon if she had enjoyed long
verbal conversations with Rupert? Or if she enjoyed a bit more, with Simon's
knowledge and consent?


To unsubscribe, email dwj-request at suberic.net with the body "unsubscribe".
Visit the archives at http://suberic.net/dwj/list/

More information about the Dwj mailing list