On changing names - about as OT as you can get

Rosie Hopkins rosieburroughs at yahoo.com
Thu Mar 13 17:38:48 EST 2003

 --- Melissa Proffitt <Melissa at Proffitt.com> wrote: >

> When I got married, it was in a religious ceremony in which I made
> not vows,
> but covenants; in my faith, marriage is forever, not just for
> mortality, and
> the marriage ceremony is like a three-way promise between two people
> and
> God.  That is not something I take lightly and it's not something I
> want
> subsumed in a generic word like "partner." 

Thanks, Melissa; this is roughly what I wanted to say, expressed
considerably better than I would have managed!

> This is the opposite of the distinction that used to be such a big
> deal back
> when government forms etc. assumed that if you were with someone, you
> were
> married.

There seems to be an assumption now, which used to irritate me before I
was married, that if you are in a committed relationship with someone
you will move in with them, with or without getting married. This
irritated me slightly on forms, where I couldn't answer "married" or
"living with partner" but didn't want to use "single" because that
wasn't what I thought I was. It irritated me even more when a friend
informed me that if we didn't get married *now* we couldn't be serious
about each other - little matters such as "we can't afford it" and "we
have to be in different cities at the moment" seeming to escape her!

On titles, I definitely use Mrs. And childish though it may be, I must
admit that it is partly because I look young enough to be addressed
simply as "Miss" in a derogatory way, and I like being able to give the
culprit a freezing look and say, "Mrs, actually."


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